Reading is fun!

I was reading some short stories the other day and they were hilarious!

A text message between two friends:
"wtf does 'Nyet' mean?"
"No."
"what the hell do you mean, NO? you're not going to tell me?"
"NO."
"fine. stupid bastard."
"NO. 'Nyet' IS RUSSIAN FOR NO."
"O_o MY BOSS IS RUSSIAN WTF!"
"OH MY GOD. BRAGINSKY IS A RUSSIAN SURNAME YOU IMPOSSIBLE FOOL. Do you know ANYTHING about the man you're working for?"
"...nope :)"
"You'll be the death of me, Alfred."
";D *kiss*"

"Arthur! What is the matter with you?"
"Ahh, nothing, Mother. There was a fly."
"And pray tell why you thought it would be a good idea to kill it WITH YOUR FACE?"

"Stop that! He's not real!"
"Well neither are your fai–"
"Shut up! Every time you say fairies aren't real, one dies! They're mad at me enough and I don't need you screwing up my relations with them because of your nonexistent imagination!"

"Can we all stop being gay here for a moment and go see Toris?"
"I'm not gay!"
"Neither am I, mon cheri! I am merely spreading the love."
"Eh? Doncha' know denial is bad for your health?"

"Why do you keep hugging me anyway?"
"Because it's fun to hug someone!"
"Did you escape from some mental hospital?"
"How did you know?"
"Alright, MATTHEW! I DEMAND TO BE SWITCHED WITH SOMEONE ELSE."

"Mental images...Mental images...My mind just exploded."
"Ah? In good way, yes?"
"Of course not! How in hell can a mind explode in a good way?"

"LAST PERSON WHO REACHES THE CAR GETS A PAY CUT!"

He was trapped. Trapped between a rock and a moron.
...Yay...

Hockey + Alcohol = One homicidal Canadian.

I failed that.
You so failed that.

"You git!"
"Mon cheri! Protect me my dear Arthur from this lunatic driver!"
"Aiyah! Get off of me!"
"Let's do it again! Let's do it again!"
"Let's not."

"Why would you need an air horn?"
"Why wouldn't I need an air horn?"

"Fairies aren't real, fairies aren't real, fairies aren't real, fairies aren't–"
"Twat! Shut up!"

"And I'm not afraid of the dark!"
"Denial…"
"What do you know?"
"I know everything…"
"That wasn't creepy at all…"

"I swear to drunk I'm not God! ...Wait."

"I'm sorry. My mind seems to have just exploded, care to run that by me once again?"

When he got out of here he was SO going to choke a bitch…

I love these little stories! They're so funny. Anyway, none of these quotes belong to me in any way, shape, or form :)